October 14, 2009
All my life, God has been trying to teach me that He should be in control, and these past few weeks I’ve finally started to get it. There were lots of times in life that I tried doing everything on my own. I depended solely on myself, thinking that I knew what was best for me. I always was an independent person and thought that I could give myself the best life. Unfortunately, I have lived this way for too long. Not until recently have I changed my mindset. It’s not something that I have grasped completely, but a daily struggle, an on-going battle that has to be accepted with each day. It was here in Argentina that I realized that I really needed God and that He would provide abundantly as well as offer grace as I learn. All these years I have depended on myself for the answers and insight on what path my life should take. Of course, I gave God room for input, but I wasn’t giving Him complete reign over every decision. While supposedly “surrendering everything,” I still kept a few things for myself. I knew in my head that God had the best for me, but my heart was unconvinced and too stubborn to consider.
The other night I talked to a friend who was pretty much in the same position until recently. It’s like this place makes you realize how fragile you really are. I can’t do anything on my own, unless I’m looking for a mediocre life at best. It’s amazing that God still remains faithful even when my prideful, “know-it-all” attitude, hovered over each decision. Sometimes it takes failure in your life to make you realize how unworthy and ignorant of the truth you really are.
The thoughts I had about providing and giving myself the best was a complete lie. Little did I know that I would never be satisfied by my own strength, but that I had to allow God to give me what I needed. The other day, I was reading in Ephesians 3:18-20, which says, “[I pray that you] may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length, height and depth, and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge, so you may be filled with all the fulness of God. Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think- according to the power that works in you- to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations.”
For me, to know that the Messiah’s love surpasses all knowledge is amazing. His love is perfect and sacrificial. It blows my mind, it is so beyond anything I’ve experienced from a human standpoint that I can’t even comprehend it. Why was I depending on myself when He’s the one that can do beyond all I can ask or think? As a born-again Christian, I need to remember the power that is within me. It’s so important that I completely change my thinking and remember that I can’t be focused on me and my provision. God can give me a much better life than I could ever give myself. He has the best in mind and he’s never gonna forget me and then just give me status-quo. God will always give me above and beyond what I deserve- just like He always has. It’s amazing to be assured of this promise, so much that I can depend on Him with my life and each step I take. He can’t just change, He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever....and I’m going to reap the benefits of that!
